Look at him. He is so buff. When he wears his black Storm Trooper suit it drives me crazy. I would bite his butt right here if I could. But it always pisses him off whenever I get affectionate around the troops. And he can be such a bitch when he gets angry. He says he has an image to uphold. He needs to demand respect. God, please! What did he think he demanded last night? Respect! He demanded total respect from me, but I sure as hell got no respect from him. He was such an animal. And it wasn’t just physical; he uses The Force during our little trysts, and let me tell you, that’s something else altogether. I’m still sore as hell and not at all sure I can sit on this damn scooter all day after what he did to me last night. At least he was home early. I guess I should be thankful he was not running around with one of his little numbers.

But I forgive him, he has needs and he always comes home to me, eventually. He’s mine and I am so happy. If only he would let me tell a few of the other guys about us. But, no! Nobody is allowed to know at all. He has slept with half of the storm troopers in the galaxy. So I ‘m not at all sure what he thinks he’s hiding. But last night he was in a total mood. It really was not his fault; he is under a lot of pressure. The Death Star’s been blown up and the Emperor is all pissed off. The rebellion is going all wrong and not quite being crushed the way it was suppose to be. And everyone is saying it’s all his fault. My poor handsome Darth is being held personally responsible for the beatings the empire’s been taking lately. Meanwhile, he kept warning everyone not to underestimate the power of The Force. To be careful and make sure everything was dead on the planets they destroyed. But people just laughed at him. It was all a big joke. Everyone would make wowoing sounds in his face and laugh saying, “Watch out, The Force is going to get you.” They were all so cruel and childish. It broke my heart. 

But now that the empire is in trouble everyone is coming to him and saying ‘Oh Darth, please help us. Defeat the rebels and stop the losses.’ ‘Whine, whine, whine, please Darth please, make it all better again.’ And he’s supposed to forget all the times they laughed at him and say, ‘Oh sure, no problem. I’ll just get right on it.’ Boy oh boy, they burn my buns. I mean after all the snickering and teasing he had to put up with. Like, pphhfff.

But, look at him. I’m so proud of him and how well he is handling it. Just seeing him in that armor and on that scooter. God I love him so. I always shake watching him ride. He does it with such ease, such confidence. He rode me like that last night. Christ!  He just walked in and took charge. I loved it! God, he is so butch it drives me wild.  

It’s funny; you have to see how the women throw themselves at him. He walks into a room and everybody just stops and stares. You can feel his power even before he enters the room. And the women flock. I just sit and laugh, if they only knew. But there are times when he does take a woman or two or even three to his office and… Well I’m not sure what he does with them. I do know that they are always happy afterwards. That’s for sure. What I really hate is when he picks up a Storm Trooper or two. I always get so jealous. Darthy and his little needs.

Anyway, today we have to go and destroy some planet or other. He’s all pumped up. We have to get this one right or he’s really in trouble with the Emperor. All night he just kept going over the plans and going over the plans. The moving of hundred million soldiers, the placement of the death lasers. The amount of planning that goes into killing a whole planet is murder. He has decided on a continent-by-continent cleansing approach. Using different weapons and verifying the fires get to four thousand degrees Celsius followed by long distant radiation bombardments. Being sure no life form is left at all. God, with some of these life forms you cannot even tell if it is sentential or not. I think it is a good idea to just kill everything, all the life on the planet. It is safer for my little darling Darth.  

I told him not to worry about the Death Star. A new one can be built. It was my suggestion to make it look incomplete. This way the rebels will never know what hits them. He looked at me in awe. He told me that was a great idea. I was so proud. And he was so happy that whole evening. He even let me torture one of the cute little rebel soldiers to death. My Darth was so sweet that night.

But here we go, one more battle to follow him into, and then home, a quick bath and dinner. I bought new sheets and I had them laundered with extra softener added. I picked out a nice bottle of wine and bought new dishes. I’m also going to put on a little music and dance for him; then massage him with a lavender cream I got from the Slyth System. He always says I look super in spiked heels with just my storm trooper bottom on. Shoot, I forgot to defrost the meat for dinner. Hmm, what should I cook?